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On Meditation and Devotion: Weeks 7, 8, and 9

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Week 7

On the night after I wrote my last Meditation and Devotion post I became very sick. I’d just written how my daily practice had become a central part of my life, and then I was bedridden for days; unable to maintain my normal routine.

I lost about 3 days of meditation and devotion, and when I returned on February 12th, still a bit stoned from Nyquil, I felt completely shaken and unable to focus. I described it like this in my journal:

“…it felt as though there was a kind of hood over my inner eye. I felt like my inner vision was blocked off along the edges.”

The low energy and sinus pain continued on the following day, and things began to clear up on February 14th. That was also the day that I noticed that, as I put it,

“The trance-like intensity of my daily devotions and meditations has waned. Given, I am no longer in the thick of an intense creative process – or, at least, not the same creative process – but it is strange to me the way this is starting to feel ‘ordinary’.”

I was forced, due to the illness, to cancel a very important event in my life; what felt like, at the time, the culmination of much of the creative work I’ve done so far this year. On that day, February 16th, I was wrecked. I rushed through making offerings, drew cards but couldn’t see any meaning in them, and then closed the Hallows without offering thanks to Brighid and the Kindred. I was so upset that the illness had disrupted my life as it had.

Week 8

What brought me back into a pattern of meditation and devotion was the tarot. I put my focus on the spreads I’d lay after making my offerings, and those spreads began to show more sign that they were coming from the Kindred; they offered new insight, creating greater context for why I’d become ill and what I had to learn from the experience.

All of my entries during this week are heavy on the tarot interpretation. I focussed little on stillness in meditation, and went through the ritual of making offerings with a slight mechanical nature. The cards were my main focus, and they were what brought me back into an awareness of the mystery of this daily work.

Week 9

I reached a point where I was beginning to feel like my practice was solely a tarot practice, and not an extension of worship. I wrote on February 25th:

I’m having a difficult time starting this entry. I have a 3 card spread before me, and this is beginning to feel like a Tarot Journal rather than a journal to document my spiritual growth. Every day I perform my devotional ritual, and every day I sit down to draw cards. I ask the Kindred to guide my hands and send a message, and yet as I sit here now, staring at the cards, reading their interpretations in the DruidCraft book, I feel alone, and very much in my head. The rest of the experience feels spiritual, but trying to make sense of the cards launches me into a mental tailspin.

What is this time designed to do?

What had given me an entry way back into this daily time – the tarot – was now pulling me out of the moment.

I notice as I look back on the rest of the Week 9 entries that I’ve created a pattern of documenting my daily time. Each entry starts with 1 or 2 paragraphs of reflection. Then, usually somewhat abruptly, I write about the card reading. The rest of the entry is about the cards, and I don’t seem to spend much time contextualizing them or connecting them back to my initial reflection.

I tried that this morning, and I noticed that my mind went to a million different places. I think it is time for me to return to the DP material and search out techniques to control my mind. It’s time to bring more mental discipline into my practice.

The Kindred Speak Through the Tarot

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I don’t normally share the details of my daily meditation outside of one of my weekly recaps. But today, in light of the power and poignancy of the experience I just had, I’m making an exception.

I started the devotional with the Two Powers meditation. I was a tree, the greatest tree ever to stand, and I pulled the water from the ground, through my roots, into my being. I felt the sun above me, and I felt the heat pour into me. The two powers mixed in the middle, and my tree-body tingled. I was ready to begin.

Each day when I approach my altar, I call out to Arawn, Welsh god of the Underworld, and ask him to join his magic with mine. With our magic joined, I ask for him to: take the candle flame and transform it, that it may become the Sacred Fire, the gateway to the Heavens; take the chalice of water and transform it, that it may become the Sacred Well, the gateway to the Otherworld; take the wand made of wood and transform it, that it may become the Sacred, World tree, connecting the Heavens and the Otherworld, standing as a gateway in the Middle Earth.

Once the gates are opened, I make my offerings to the Kindred. Typically, those are olive oil for the Shining Ones, oats for the Ancestors, & sugar for the Nature Spirits. Then, with a special candle lit, I offer up my heart to Brighid as a living sacrifice of my praise & thanksgiving, my respect and honor, my love and worship. I save her offering for last.

For a while now I’ve been heading straight to my tarot table after all of my offerings are made. Today, though, I did something different. I stood before my altar, still very much in the same space I’d been in during offerings, and I spoke out loud a request to the Kindred. I asked for their assistance as I shuffled the cards. I asked that they provide me guidance and direction, a clear point of focus, an Omen. Usually, I’d ask this after I sat down at my table, and I’d have to re-center before I did it. Today I never lost that center. My request came directly after offerings were made, and I think that may have had an impact on what happened next.

I shuffled the cards, just as I explained in the recap of Weeks 5 & 6, and I cut the three times. Then, it happened:

Two of Swords   |   Two of Cups   |   Two of Pentacles

Three 2’s!?

Somehow I knew after the second 2 that I would pull the third. Three 2’s. This is not ordinary. And, I’ve been pulling some of the same cards in every spread lately, which I take as a sign to me of one or more themes running constant through my life. But none of those cards weren’t present today. Today I was shown a different kind of message.

I read 2’s as cards representing choice. Interestingly, the only 2 not represented in this spread is the 2 of Wands, a suit most closely associated with Will, or making choices. There was no clear choice to be made; there was only the message given that I am moving into a climate of choice, and that I need to remain aware and alert.

I must be willing to suspend my intellect and trust my intuition (2 of Swords). I must remember that I have already chosen to be in the relationships I’m in, and now it is a matter of the heart whether or not I choose to experience the positive or negative aspects of those relationships (2 of Cups). I must maintain my balance, be clever and cunning, and – even as I stand amidst a raging storm – be light on my feet (2 of Pentacles).

This Omen was a true blessings from the Kindred. I just had to share it.

Turning Over A Good Omen

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I started a new creative project today. It’s one I’ve been preparing for since November of last year, and one that will influence much of what is to come throughout the rest of the Winter. It’s kind of a big deal.

I decided that it would be right and good to make special requests to the Kindred during my morning devotional for their guidance, wisdom and presence as I start down this new path. I put my essence into the offerings, opening myself as much as I could.

Once my offerings had been made, and it seemed like I was finished, I started to close the Hallows. I called on Arawn to transform the Fire, and then the Well, and as I was about to move on to the Tree my hand brushed up against the candle – something that has never happened before during ritual – and hot wax splashed onto my palm.

This didn’t seem like clumsiness. It seemed like a message. It seemed like a call to keep the sacred space open. I sensed that I should return to a place where I could be receptive to communication, and listen. It did not seem like they were done with me just yet.

So, I stopped what I was doing. Recalling what I’ve learned through reading about ADF ritual, and what I’ve experienced first had in full, High Day ritual with Silver Branch Golden Horn, I decided that it would be appropriate and useful to take an Omen. This isn’t something I’d incorporated into my daily practice before, but today it seemed right. If the Kindred wanted this space to remain open, then perhaps they wanted to convey something to me, and the taking of an Omen might help that message come through.

I sat down at the round table I use for tarot readings, lit a small, mostly melted candle, and shuffled my deck. I laid the deck down, asked out loud if my offerings would be accepted, and then I turned over a single card.

It was the Princess of Wands.

She stood in the middle of a road, clearly moving forward. She was fiery, focussed, and she seemed beautifully self possessed. These were, of course, my first impressions. I pulled the DruidCraft book from my shelf and found the page corresponding to this card. At times, I find it useful to see what the artists intended for this card to represent, and to hold that meaning up against my initial, intuitive reading.

The book read this:

When not signifying a person, this card may represent the initial spark of interest in a project or a relationship, or it can indicate a message or communication, particularly one conveying news about the beginning of a venture. It may also indicate a general quickening of the pace of life – a new phase of activity just starting.

Could this have been any clearer that my words had been heard?!

I asked for a sign that my sacrifices were acceptable to the Kindred, and I received a clear and resounding message back – YES! They would be with me! It felt like communication. Real communication.

Today was brilliant. I felt the presence of the Kindred as I began my creative work, and I’m profoundly grateful.

Make your offerings with sincerity.

Open your heart fully and without reservation.

Be transparent and the light will shine through you.